I won’t say that I do not have anything as a back up option but a lot depends on the results of my interviews this year. I am already in a good place but I have always thought that I deserve something better. This feeling is intrinsic. I do not compare myself with others. I feel that certain things are very important to me and I do not see myself compromising on them at any point of time.
I do not have fear of failures because I have seen many of them till now. Those failures have never been able to reduce my vision of future in any manner. I have always dreamt of doing something different and I feel I will be able to do so. But what I fear is the loss of credibility and the shattering of hopes. I see a new ray of hope in my parents’ eyes. They are keeping their fingers crossed. I do not know what to say. It has happened many a times that I behaved like a choker during the crucial moments. Life is too long and these things are parts and parcels of life but when you think of accomplishing something and you have put in your efforts genuinely into it, you do not want to lose. If I lose this time, I will not be able to look into my parents’ eyes in my life again. They will not speak even one word of sadness in front of me… They will try to motivate me… They will show in front of me that these things do not affect them. But I know the truth and that will hurt me for the lifetime…
Why am I writing this blog? I am fearing the outcome… I feel that I should get what I want this time but again there is always a probability of failure. I do not want to see that failure coming into my way again.
I just pray to the almighty to pardon me for all my sins for this moment because victory this time will rebuild the castle of hopes inside me. I pray HIM to grant me his kindness so that my parents get what they deserve from my side.
Just help me… Please!