What is there in my hands?

Gita says, “Do your work judiciously and do not think about the results”! I am trying to do the same. Many things are at stake this time.

I won’t say that I do not have anything as a back up option but a lot depends on the results of my interviews this year. I am already in a good place but I have always thought that I deserve something better. This feeling is intrinsic. I do not compare myself with others. I feel that certain things are very important to me and I do not see myself compromising on them at any point of time.

I do not have fear of failures because I have seen many of them till now. Those failures have never been able to reduce my vision of future in any manner. I have always dreamt of doing something different and I feel I will be able to do so. But what I fear is the loss of credibility and the shattering of hopes. I see a new ray of hope in my parents’ eyes. They are keeping their fingers crossed. I do not know what to say. It has happened many a times that I behaved like a choker during the crucial moments. Life is too long and these things are parts and parcels of life but when you think of accomplishing something and you have put in your efforts genuinely into it, you do not want to lose. If I lose this time, I will not be able to look into my parents’ eyes in my life again. They will not speak even one word of sadness in front of me… They will try to motivate me… They will show in front of me that these things do not affect them. But I know the truth and that will hurt me for the lifetime…

Why am I writing this blog? I am fearing the outcome… I feel that I should get what I want this time but again there is always a probability of failure. I do not want to see that failure coming into my way again.

I just pray to the almighty to pardon me for all my sins for this moment because victory this time will rebuild the castle of hopes inside me. I pray HIM to grant me his kindness so that my parents get what they deserve from my side.

Just help me… Please!

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Good Times…

Of late I am feeling very happy inside. There is no reason as such but the general mood and atmosphere is very positive. My end term has started and I have done well in the first three papers. My interviews were also good. Probably all these factors have culminated into this mood transforming agent.

I am going to Bangalore this summer for my internship at Wipro. Thankfully they have increased our stipend to 20000 bucks per month. I have got my project details also. It is related to the Asia Pacific region where I will have to work under the infrastructure services BU of Wipro. I have heard that IMS is the biggest revenue earner for Wipro. That is good for me I guess. Before Bangy, I will be going to Hyderabad and spend some time with my old buddies.

You know something. I have become hopelessly romantic also. Don’t take it in the wrong sense… I am not dating anybody. What I mean is I don’t know… I feel there is some beauty in everything… Probably one cause for this change is that I am denigrating the effect of past on me. I have lost my friends… I cannot meet them more often.. Then what the heck? They were not supposed to be with me for my entire life. Being emotional is one issue and being overtly sad due to something like I was is one different issue altogether.. and believe me that is not the best of the things. One another reason could be that frankly I am over with the notion that the lost love was the best… Maybe some one did not deserve me or it could be the other way round. Probably the almighty is conspiring something good for me… I also feel that what I thought was ideal was just a mirage… What i thought of to be perfect came out to be short of everything… I don’t care… I simply don’t care… There is no place for emotions in the corporate world… I better be ready and yes I am confident I will fare well… There are many stakes.. Many things to be done. I won’t stop before completing them…

I used the “romantic” word… Yes! I am being one because I feel there are many things which are eluding and the search for those things is limitless. They play games with one and all… I am excited by the prospect of that adventurous search…

Tomorrow I have the International Finance paper in the evening… It is the toughest one in this trim. But as is the normal case, it is very interesting. Futures, SWAPs, Options and Arbitrage… Oh my God! I am already confused…

Bye :)))

Before …

I watched “Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset” a few days back. The first one is a prequel to the second. The beauty of these movies is that the second one has been made after a gap of 9 years and the story also aligns itself to the actual time gap. The actors have grown old naturally but anyone who has seen the first movie would definitely understand and love the second one right from the start.

I love both these movies and the characters. The clip shown above will give an idea of what these movies are all about. I do not claim that everyone would love this but for me personally it has been a beautiful experience of self realisation. I love to introspect… And these movies are all about introspection and how one understands himself.

I would suggest one and all to go and watch both these movies.